the sun sets on a clenched jaw : a reclamation of self.
“Sun kissed, tongue bitten
Frills frayed as coffee spilled
No one saw the difference
Fog rising in the distance.”
“Stomach tightened, bricks heaved
Stockings unraveled threads to bare
She romanticized the break down-
A city put to sleep too soon.”
“Hair knotted, hands tied
Wind carried the waited words
They closed the last blind-
Stars reach for mourning.”
“Jaw releases, lips part
Window panes open
She feels the difference
Sun rising in the distance.”
The sun rose above the medieval city of San Gimignano at 6 am and poured in through my bedroom window as my alarm went off. The country side of Italy has a way of making mornings peaceful while also gently nudging you to get out of bed and come explore it. With ratted hair and no makeup I pulled on my bloomers, frilled socks, and lace top, while I could hear the mocha pot on the stove brewing up the coffee in the kitchen. With a chill in the air and all of our gear in tow we headed to the second story balcony of the Villa we were staying in- Raccianello.
This was the second time in 2 years that Ashlind and I had found ourselves together in Italy creating and capturing with our cameras. Ashlind is a Videographer (who I also run Videre with- our luxury media company.) Saying yes to this trip didn’t feel like work as much as it felt like deep commitment to ourselves- to making dreams happen, to capturing what sets our souls on fire, to allowing our Art to grow in new countries… what we got was that and more, which I’ll continue to share as I release more images and stories from this trip.
We quietly climbed the dark staircase that lead to the room we would be shooting in. Once inside we opened the towering wooden doors and shutters and let the Tuscan sunrise pour in. I perched on top of the cool brick ledge, sipping coffee as Ashlind grabbed the video of me she wanted, then I took my time capturing my own self portraits. It was a moment where I was present and said to myself- I’m glad you got up early for this moment, I’m glad you committed to your creative practice.
Once I got home and started working on the images I wondered to myself- how do I want to use these images, what do they say? The incredible aspect of this trip was, yes, the content we would capture would be shared with our amazing host Gessica with Unico Stay to use in her marketing but we weren’t boxed in creatively, we had the freedom to create from the heart, to make something that meant something to us too.
I stared at the screen, reflecting on the scene I was in, seeing myself, as I often do, as a character in a story, not surprisingly the stories a mirror of my internal state. I thought about where I am in my life right now and the phase I am exiting.
After a life changing experience at a Creative Convention I attended in 2025 (that I share about in this blog: “escape” : a photo series showcasing the binding nature of fear, and my escape) I have been working very hard on unclenching my jaw, lifting my teeth from my tongue, and exhaling my truth out into the world. It has been an incredibly empowering and difficult experience of trusting myself and allowing myself to have a voice that will take up space in a room, still rooted in kindness and compassion, but not always in commonality or acceptance.
Oddly, as I practice sharing my voice in the real world more and more I find that I have less of a desire to tell my story through my Art in a way that is easily digestible or transparent and I think that’s because I’m no longer screaming on the inside for people to give me permission to speak. Now, I have given myself that permission and because of that my Art can be something that transcends just my story.
I wanted this mini series to represent the romanticized version of the hell I have gone through of losing myself and for years thinking I was a better person because of it, while also showing coming out the other side- opening the door to this new version of reality where I get to show up, more healed, and more myself than I have been in years.
I would just like to clarify, in case there are any questions- yes I use a lot of dashes- I used them before Chat GBT. haha AI did not and will never write my blogs for me.
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